How to manage anxious/negative thoughts
Accepting your thoughts.
A lot of people, if not most of us spend a lot of time and energy trying to get rid of upsetting thoughts and worries. Psychologists have often encouraged people to try and change their thoughts by making them more rational, challenge the evidence for them, reality oriented or to just suppress them entirely. Although these techniques worked for some people, they tended to have only a temporary effect, and many found that their intrusive thoughts and worries would come back, often worse than before. The paradox of thought suppression is that supressing anxious thoughts or emotions can increase their intensity (how frustrating!!!).
If supressing thoughts has not been helpful, there are other ways to try and get on top of these, and reduce the impact of them in our lives. One way that research has shown is effective is to do the opposite, and stop trying to get rid of the intrusive thoughts altogether! This may seem strange, because it is probably the opposite of what you feel like doing, but stay with us here… Research has shown that the more you try to get rid of your thoughts, the harder it is to get rid of them. When you learn to accept them and detach from your thoughts, they will no longer have power over you. The classic ‘Pink Elephant’ thought experiment demonstrates this perfectly - suppose someone told you not to think about a pink elephant. Immediately your mind gets a visual image of a pink elephant, even though you were told not to do this! The more you try not to think of a pink elephant, the more it comes to mind. This is the paradox in action: the more you try to get rid of specific thoughts, images, and memories, the more they can take control of your mind and even your actions.
To combat this, try to stop struggling with your worries and learn to just accept them for what they are - thoughts. When we try to avoid these, it can lead to harmful or problematic behaviours such as attempts to dull thoughts with drugs or alcohol, food, or sex. Acceptance isn’t just about tolerating thoughts. As Russ Harris brilliantly puts it:
“Acceptance means allowing our thoughts and feelings to be as they are, regardless of whether they are pleasant or painful; opening up and making room for them; dropping the struggle with them; and letting them come and go as they naturally do.” – Harris, 2009
Acceptance is not a resignation or passive response to difficult feelings, rather it is about actively making a choice on how to respond differently to these experiences as they arise.
As weird as it may sound, try and just accept your worries, detach from them, and observe them without reacting to them in an emotional way. Try to objectify your worries, remembering that your thoughts are just thoughts, and they have no special powers. Notice your thoughts, and emotions, and practice this simple exercise - try saying “i notice i am feeling _____” or “I notice that i am having the thought of ________” . By doing this, you are defusing from the thought, and it is something you have, rather than something you are.
Acceptance can take time and years to master, but like everything, small shifts eventually turn the whole bolt, and the more you practice the easier it gets! So give it a go and let us know how it works for you! Get in touch with us at info@adaptivecounselling.com to find out more or book an appointment with one of our psychologists.
